Stating to the Union

"On Wednesday, the things that seemed to elicit the most bipartisan reactions were: hope (standing ovation), cutting the capital gains tax for small businesses (ditto) and Obama’s plan for deficit control, which caused a cold breeze to blow from both the Republican and Democratic camps." - Gail Collins, New York Times Columnist.

Lets take one of his paragraphs (opening, nonetheless) and see what he says: "It's tempting to look back on these moments and assume that our progress was inevitable -- that America was always destined to succeed *insert inglorious trumpet playing here*. But when the Union was turned back at Bull Run, and the Allies first landed at Omaha Beach, victory was very much in doubt. When the market crashed on Black Tuesday, and civil rights marchers were beaten on Bloody Sunday [he draws you into a trance by stating song titles that ensure you'll drift into self-serenading mode and pay less/no attention to his speech], the future was anything but certain [and its been certain when?]. These were the times that tested the courage of our convictions and the strength of our union [by calling it "our union" he's definitely going for something Abrahamic - Lincoln, of course]. And despite all our divisions and disagreements, our hesitations and our fears, America prevailed because we chose to move forward as one nation, as one people [Ah, there's Abe!]."

Either I've become skeptical, or this guy is now sincerely just full of what Adam Nagourney (writer for the New York Times blog "The Caucus") calls "flashing optimism." It goes with his Colgate smile, you see.

Its about time that dictators and elected officials alike, threw off the garb of "but he did it first" and stop playing the blame game and using as a crutch those that preceded them. There's a reason you're now in power. A) You were brought to clean up the mess (note: not to create more), or B) You're there forcibly, in which case, your Swiss bank account awaits you.

"Again, we are tested. And again, we must answer history's call." Sure, if answering a call means to lather, rinse and repeat all actions of previous administrations. Your promises were, after all, simply that, promises to get you elected. Unless its time for re-election, you needn't prove anything to anyone. "I'm President, what you got?" We heard him at his talk in Egypt, we hear him again now. But lets see how he tactfully doesn't State to his Union what the union's nose is doing. In his one-hour and something minutes spiel, he spent a total of ummm 5 seconds on Foreign Affairs. Sure, up the ante in Afghanistan and stuff your fingers in your ears and run around in circles, blissfully singing "lalala I can't hear you".

Another tactic I've seen most brilliant speakers use is the numbers game. They'll throw stats at you like its nobody's business, twenty figures in one sentence, so that by the time you wrap your head around the first one, he's already done talking and you feel the urge to applaud. We see that happening in Pakistan, with people like Zaid Hamid, who'll spew out facts and figures from the past at the speed of Andy Roddick's serve and everything that follows is taken to be part of the holy text and instantly agreed with. I don't have numbers to support my theories, heck, I don't even know numbers. How am I going to outbid that one? So we follow, blindly, agree in unison and move the hell on.

"Talk to the single teacher raising two kids who was told by her principal in the last week of school that because of the Recovery Act, she wouldn't be laid off after all." I'm sure those were Principal Skinners exact words. "Allah bless the Recovery Act". We all know how Ms. Sue needs her shit-pay job to accommodate the inflated prices at Starbucks. That said, this is possibly the best part of Obama's speech: "And the idea here is simple: Instead of rewarding failure, we only reward success [okay okay, so he didn't start of eloquently]. Instead of funding the status quo, we only invest in reform -- reform that raises student achievement, inspires students to excel in math and science, and turns around failing schools that steal the future of too many young Americans, from rural communities to the inner city. In the 21st century, the best anti-poverty program around is a world-class education. And in this country, the success of our children cannot depend more on where they live than on their potential." Standing ovation well deserved.

It seems O's new way to grab attention is to repeat. He'll say something like "I hated it", "let me know", "let's get it done" or "Democrats and Republicans." some three times each. Its not poetic; its definitely not Abrahamic. Where's he getting this one from? If anything, its a little annoying.

Here's where America could learn from Pakistan: Geo TV. While Obama prides his administration in bringing more transparency when it comes to the lobbyists and generally in Congress, Geo would have been there yesterday, when Shujahat Hussain was simply scratching his toupee, thinking whether he should launder the money to London or Saudi (we all know PML-N has Saudi covered). This transparency is never an issue on our side of the world, so I don't know why the U.S., with FISA watching Hawk Eye has such trouble unveiling the truth, which Moulder told us, is out there.

"Now, I'm not naive. I never thought that the mere fact of my election would usher in peace and harmony -- and some post-partisan era." Err, yes you did. Don't you remember "Yes, we can" and the Beethoven symphony that plays in your head every time you relive that moment you took oath. It was a cold grey day, Michelle wore a hideous yellow dress and you were playing music in your head and dancing in meadows with birds and the trees (Bollywood indeed), knowing that everything would be peachy keen because you were Black and President and that's gotta mean something; world peace that Ms. America wished for has finally arrived. Amen.

Just like Bush repeatedly talked of a "New World Order," Obama reminds us to "make no mistake". Somehow those words ring reminiscent of the Bush era and I shudder. To afford O benefit of doubt, here's what he said in its entirety: "But make no mistake: This war is ending, and all of our troops are coming home." Novel concept if I ever heard one. Pft.

Obama nears the end of his speech with a recap of the Constitution, united as one nation, with liberty and justice for all, "...that no matter who you are or what you look like, if you abide by the law you should be protected by it, if you adhere to our common values you should be treated no different than anyone else." Well, tell that to the TSA and "random selection".

I'm still waiting for much of his Egypt speech promises to be implemented and beginning to think that maybe he just is all talk?

Welcome to the Dark Side

I still remember being super excited when my mother made a chocolate fudge cake, shaped in a "S" for my 10th birthday. Maybe it was my 11th (okay, so maybe I don't recall all). Point being, that was the highlight of my preteen birthday bashes - not that the ones after got insanely wild.

This weekend, we catered a 8 year old's birthday. Maybe he was 9. Definitely not older than 10. The theme: Star Wars (for the sake of convenience, lets call the birthday boy "Darth"). From Star Wars paraphernalia in the "Goody-box" (bags are no longer cool/apt or big enough to store the stuff that was in there) to a boxing-ring-looking-thing for the kids to fight off frustrations with their light-sabers (also provided). There was a mini-maze for even mini-er people, a rope-climby-thing with hay at the bottom (cushion the fall) and your regular jumping castles and the works. All this, with the backdrop of (somewhat traumatizing) the Star Wars soundtrack, played very aptly by a DJ. Yes, Darth had a DJ.

Mama Darth hired a company (names not disclosed for interest of our future business ventures with them - we need the dough) to arrange the whole deal, probably paid them a bomb, and woke up, gleefully around 10 to go get her hair done in time for the party. No input (besides finances) were required or offered. As I helped set up and my partner slaved away in the kitchen, I went back to get the food and raved about how the whole set-up was going down and how the children that would attend would be compelled (or at least would harass their parents) to one-up this part-eh. Its another story entirely that my partner and our helper weren't amused by the grandeur of it all. Maybe I played it up a little too much.

As the kids rushed towards the food-area, passing the gift table, they showed off how "I gave that big prazaaant". One of the presents I remember receiving on my "S -cake" birthday was a beautifully painted wooden box, about the size of my palm. It stored three bath-balls. Jennifer said she didn't save enough of her allowance to buy anything more, but I loved it. This useless piece of nothingness, even when I was 10/11 meant so much to me, simply knowing that my friend put in the effort to go look for something and not show up empty handed on my birthday. I'm sure I would've forgotten had she given me nothing, but that she brought this, I still remember. There were probably other, more amusing presents gifted that day; somehow I don't remember them.

Darth got a huge box, which Ben (our helper) thought was a bunny or a cat or a puppy, but I'm sure it was simply an overpriced video game which Vader already owned and would now either be discarded or re-gifted (I'm hoping its the latter). I know we all claim to be above such shenanigans and how it was "different when we went there" (considering I went to the same school Darth goes to now) but it was different. A friend of mine celebrated her 16th at McDonalds for crying out loud (that was a little inappropriate, in retrospect). The point being, we didn't really care where we went, as long as we went together.

The personal touches of picking what candy goes in your goody-bag, sneaking a "taste" as you assemble them, putting up balloons on the gate for recognition and hand writing the invites for your friends. Its all lost. Invites are now custom printed by your party-planner and delivered. Goody-boxes are now packed in London (yes, that's where most the stuff came from) and shipped over. Balloons are now assembled in the shape of an arch, color coordinated to suit the theme and towering over your gate. Cookies are no longer baked at home but by someone who is able to make Darth Vader faces out of them. Pretty darn genius, but taste like junk. The party planners minions conduct the games, not your mother or father or some other elder remotely related to you. Party-hats are no longer cool.

I feel old and out of place.

Mama, can I please have another "S" cake for my 27th?

I'll Blasphemy You!

We all remember when the Danish cartoonist "blasphemed" the Prophet. We all remember because we came out in fists of rage, trying to rectify the wrong so brutally thrust upon us, as a Muslim brotherhood, an Ummah. I, for one, didn't agree then, and continue to disagree, with the choice of my Ummah to take up the matter as though a battle. What you can take up is the overused example of the "Hadood Ordinances" or the supposed "Shariah" in Pakistan. (I'm going to overuse it some more.) That, you can take up, because that is more than my personal view. It is the view of Pakistan perceived by the masses. It is the law of the land, shoved down my throat as I live in this gorgeous democratic nation. This is the battle I pick.

Somehow, our misgivings and our shortfalls are always waved in our face by the international media. We're always publicized for our drug snorting sportsmen or our Pashtun brothers beating their women to a pulp. Similarly, our Arab brothers and sisters are known because of the fact that women aren't allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia and because limbs are lost if you steal. That's known (possibly also because I personally am drawn to such news and pay more attention to it - ergo, its possibly just all in my head). The small kindnesses are not. The small kindnesses of everyone else are known and their misgivings are not. The blasphemy laws instated in Ireland only caught the media's attention when bloggers decided to take action, create awareness and bring out the big guns and take on the Parliament.

What this website now states for the Irish government to condemn, are various quotes from the likes of Jesus and Prophet Muhammad, to Bjork, Salman Rushdie, Twain, Dawkins and Pope Benedict XVI; and challenges the Irish government to proceed with blasphemy penalties on each. Bravo! I don't know about what the others said and in what context, but considering Dawkins was pulled out of his "God Delusion" it leaves little to the imagination, but that said, I know the quote used for the Prophet was pulled out of context. This leaves me to judge how the quotes of the 23 others might have been similarly misconstrued. But that's for each one of us to understand on their own. I like what these bloggers/activists are getting at; there ought be no blasphemy law that curbs freedom of speech. I agree with that much. But what I do not appreciate is the misleading first couple of paragraphs.

The website condemns this law because it "is both silly and dangerous. It is silly because medieval religious laws have no place in a modern secular republic, where the criminal law should protect people and not ideas. [agreed] And it is dangerous because it incentivises religious outrage, and because Islamic States led by Pakistan are already using the wording of this Irish law to promote new blasphemy laws at UN level." This was posted on thier blog on the first of January, 2010 (happy new year!). The Organization of the Islamic Conference (OIC) moved a resolution in the UN in March 2009, asking the UN to recognize a blasphemy law similar to the sort now in place in Ireland. For obvious reasons, the UN refused. The OIC is an association of some 56 nations and Pakistan pushed the motion on behalf of the OIC at the said UN Convention. The bloggers/activists point their fingers at Pakistan trying to push similar motions in the UN, now. If I were just to read this on its own, I'd take it to be true and condemn my own Ummah for being such fools, as they have in the past. That I knew of this resolution when it was moved in the UN earlier last year, is the only reason I did not reach such a conclusion.

So, no, Pakistan or anyone else is in fact not using this action of Ireland to push its own agenda elsewhere; don't flatter yourselves. That said, I think the concept behind all this is something in the right direction. I think we could use more unconventional solutions to problems such as this. But Pakistan could also use a break. Can't we go back to picking on Iran again?

Check, please!

The Naaka: made for our security and designed to sabotage, or at least stall, a terrorist attack in some shape or form. I was stopped. At first, I felt violated and harassed, I mean wasn't it torture enough that I had to stand in queue as some moron decides to cut to the front of the line, with a dozen other morons to follow? All this after I crawl through rush-hour traffic with a migraine inched on by the smoke screen created by my boss (no I'm not being poetic, his room is just that, a smoke screen with his frail self playing Puff the Magic Dragon behind it all).

As I was halted at the check post and asked to show identification, the policeman walked past all windows of my car, peering in through the darkness that had set in just after five. With nothing but a dimming flashlight, he directed his all-embracing gaze at my drivers license, then flashed the remnants of the flashlight in my face before he stared at the license once again. Puzzled, he asked for my "digital CNIC" because clearly I was a scam. As I rummaged through my purse, he kept his gaze affixed on me and I felt guilty, for what, I didn't know. Having satisfied himself with indeed both forms of identification, he waved me on with his now-dead-flashlight, asking that I turn down the headlights while driving through a Naaka. Now I do.

It may sound like I'm complaining, which initially was what I was doing. However, I am showing appreciation and calling attention to our daily disturbances. The check post does indeed continue to be the bane of my existence, but seeing the job thoroughly executed, made me grateful to those poor men who stand out in the cold and bear the brunt if all frustrations cast their way. All I ask is that you give the guy a real torch, preferably with batteries that work. Thanks.

Pakistan, paindabad!